How to Be a Great Listener: A Step-by-Step Guide
Many consider themselves to be great listeners. Much like our perception of driving skills, where the majority believe they excel, the art of listening often falls prey to overestimation. Commonly, people associate good listening with silence, nodding, and paraphrasing, but recent research challenges these notions, revealing that superior listening goes far beyond these surface-level behaviors. Authored by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman, the article "What Great Listeners Actually Do" explores the intricate dynamics of effective listening.
Rethinking Good Listening
Contrary to the conventional belief that good listening involves silent reception, recent research delves into a more nuanced understanding. A study analysing the behavior of over 3,000 participants identified the top 5% as the most effective listeners. The surprising results shed light on the inadequacy of traditional listening cues.
Four Main Findings
- Active Dialogue over Passive Nodding: Good listening is not a one-sided act of quietude. Instead, it embraces a two-way dialogue. The best listeners pose questions that provoke discovery and insight, challenging assumptions constructively.
- Building Self-Esteem: Effective listening extends beyond passive reception; it actively contributes to a positive experience. The best listeners create a safe space that supports the speaker, fostering an environment where issues can be openly discussed.
- Cooperative Conversation: Good listening is cooperative, not competitive. It involves a smooth exchange of feedback, with neither party becoming defensive. Unlike poor listeners, who focus on identifying errors, good listeners aim to help without the intent of winning arguments.
- Incorporating Suggestions: Surprisingly, good listening includes making suggestions. However, the manner in which suggestions are offered matters. It's about providing feedback that is accepted and opens up alternative perspectives.
While traditional thinking likens good listeners to sponges absorbing information, the research introduces a new analogy: trampolines. Good listeners are akin to trampolines that bounce ideas back, amplifying and energising the speaker's thoughts. Instead of passively absorbing, they actively support, providing an uplifting experience.
Levels of Listening
Understanding that there are different levels of listening, the article suggests considering the depth of engagement based on the context:
- Creating a Safe Environment: Facilitate open discussions on difficult topics.
- Eliminating Distractions: Remove impediments, focusing on the person with appropriate eye contact.
- Understanding Substance: Capture ideas, ask questions, and restate to confirm understanding.
- Observing Nonverbal Cues: Read subtle signals communicated through body language.
- Understanding Emotions: Empathize with and validate the speaker's feelings.
- Clarifying Assumptions: Ask questions that challenge assumptions and provide valuable insights.
Each level builds upon the other, forming a comprehensive approach to listening that goes beyond merely offering solutions.
In conclusion, the research challenges preconceived notions of listening. It urges individuals to go beyond the illusion of silence and recognise that the essence of great listening lies in active engagement, cooperative dialogue, and the trampoline effect.
Are you ready to truly become a great listener?
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References:
Zenger, J., & Folkman, J. (2016, July 14). What great listeners actually do. Harvard Business Review.
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