The Key to Successful Workplace Discussions
In the workplace, difficult conversations are bound to happen. Whether it's a disagreement with a colleague, a challenging negotiation, or even a performance review, these moments can evoke strong emotions. It's natural to feel threatened or defensive when facing such situations, but it's essential to keep your emotions in check to ensure a productive discussion. In this article, we'll explore effective strategies to help you maintain composure during difficult conversations, drawing insights from a Harvard Business Review article by Amy Gallo.
Understanding the Emotional Response
Before diving into strategies to control your emotions, let's briefly understand why these difficult conversations trigger such strong reactions. The Fight or Flight Response, a fundamental physiological reaction deeply ingrained in our biology, has been our companion throughout human evolution, designed to help us confront or escape from life-threatening situations. When confronted with a challenging situation, our bodies instinctively prepare for a fight. This response is part of the sympathetic nervous system's activation. Unfortunately, our bodies can't differentiate between the threat of a heated discussion and a life-threatening situation like being chased by a bear.
The Need for Rational Thinking
In difficult conversations, maintaining a rational mindset is crucial for reaching a resolution. However, when your emotions take over, your ability to think clearly may diminish, leading to ineffective communication.
The term "amygdala hijack," coined by psychologist and science writer Dan Goleman, vividly captures a phenomenon that many of us have experienced at some point in our lives. It refers to a powerful emotional takeover of our decision-making processes, driven by the amygdala, a small, almond-shaped structure deep within the brain. This hijack occurs when your body's stress response inhibits access to the prefrontal cortex, the region responsible for rational thinking and executive functions. In simpler terms, it's when our emotions overwhelm our ability to think clearly and make rational decisions.
Strategies to Control Your Emotions
Now, let's explore practical strategies to regain control of your emotions during challenging discussions.
- Breathe Mindfully: When tension rises, focus on your breath. Concentrate on the sensation of air entering and leaving your lungs. Counting your breaths, like inhaling and exhaling to a count of six, can help redirect your attention away from panic.
- Connect with Your Body: Sitting still can intensify emotions. Stand up and walk around if possible, as physical movement activates the thinking part of your brain. If standing isn't an option, practice "anchoring" techniques like crossing your fingers or grounding your feet firmly to the floor.
- Use a Mantra: Develop a calming mantra to repeat during difficult conversations. Phrases like "Go to neutral," "This isn't about me," or "This will pass" can help you stay composed.
- Acknowledge and Label Emotions: Follow advice from Susan David, author of "Emotional Agility." Instead of letting emotions overwhelm you, label them. For example, "I'm having the thought that my coworker is wrong, and I'm feeling anger." This helps create distance between your emotions and your rational self.
- Take a Break: Sometimes, the best approach is to step away briefly. Excuse yourself for a moment to get a drink, take a walk, or simply gather your thoughts. Ensure you provide a neutral reason for the pause, so your counterpart doesn't misinterpret your intentions
Dealing with Emotional Colleagues
Remember, you're not the only one who might be emotional during a difficult conversation. Here's how to handle a counterpart who's upset: Listen Actively.
If your colleague expresses anger or frustration, let them vent. Avoid responding with your emotions. Visualise their words going over your shoulder, not hitting you in the chest. Maintain active listening to show you're engaged.
What’s in it for you?
Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of professional and personal relationships, and how we handle them can significantly impact our overall well-being. By understanding the emotional response and learning to control our reactions through techniques like mindful breathing, physical grounding, and the use of calming mantras, we not only enhance our ability to resolve workplace conflicts but also cultivate emotional intelligence that extends beyond the office. These skills can lead to improved communication, better relationships, reduced stress levels, and a more balanced and fulfilling life. Moreover, these strategies are applicable not only in professional settings but also in personal relationships, making them valuable tools for achieving harmony and success in various aspects of life.
Ready to learn how to manage your emotions?
If you find it challenging to control your emotions during difficult conversations, consider seeking coaching to enhance your emotional intelligence. Coaching can provide valuable guidance in managing emotions and improving communication skills. Learn more about coaching here.
References:
Gallo, A. (2017, December 1). How to control your emotions during a difficult conversation. Harvard Business Review.
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