One Practice That Changed Everything in My Marriage | Episode 10

Valentine’s Day is all about celebrating love, but let’s be honest—relationships aren’t always roses and romance. While love is at the core of every healthy relationship, challenges are inevitable. Many couples find themselves stuck in frustration, unmet expectations, and unintentionally pushing their partners away instead of fostering a deeper connection. But what if there was one simple shift that could transform your marriage? To kickstart the month of love, let’s talk about a practice that has made all the difference in mine.

In many relationships, it’s common to fall into a cycle of complaints, criticisms, and pointing out what the other person is doing wrong. There’s a natural tendency to try to fix or change our partner, hoping they will improve in ways that make our relationship better. But does this approach actually work?

Of course, every marriage has ups and downs. In a typical relationship, where two people are simply navigating life together, this pattern of criticism can do more harm than good.

Important Note: This advice applies to regular relationships, not abusive situations. If you’re in an unsafe or abusive relationship, the priority is your safety—please seek help and support. You are not meant to be anyone’s punching bag, physically, verbally or emotionally.

When criticism and complaints become a habit, they don’t just affect the relationship—they affect both individuals on a deeper level.

For you, it leads to:

For your partner, it creates:

This practice also triggers our mirror neurons, meaning that the more you criticize, the more likely your partner will do the same to you. Instead of bringing out the best in each other, both partners become defensive, and conversations turn into unproductive conflicts.

Through experience, I realized that constantly pointing out flaws and trying to fix my partner was not leading to a harmonious relationship. In fact, it was doing the opposite—it was pushing us further apart. This approach goes against human nature. People naturally thrive when they feel safe and secure, not when they are under attack.

When people feel secure, they think more clearly, respond with kindness and understanding, and become more open to growth and change.

Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, what if we shifted our attention to simply enjoying our partner? This means letting go of negative thoughts and assumptions about their motives, breaking the habit of constant criticism, and approaching each other with goodwill, understanding, and compassion.

When you focus on enjoying your partner, something beautiful happens:

When people feel truly safe and accepted, they naturally open up, listen, understand, and even forgive more easily. In return, they also begin to enjoy you more.

Shifting your focus to enjoying your partner doesn’t mean ignoring real problems. If something important needs to be discussed, it should be done when you’re in a good state of mind. Waiting until you feel calm and clear-headed allows for a more productive and loving conversation. Goodwill makes a huge difference in how challenges are resolved.

People have different ways of coping with low moods. Some need space, while others need comfort. The key is to respect their needs rather than criticize or pressure them. No one wants to be nagged or judged when they’re feeling down. Instead, they need someone who helps them regain their sense of security and well-being.

In every relationship, how we choose to engage with our partner can shape the dynamics and the future of our connection. Hence, you have two options: You can continue focusing on what’s wrong with your partner, creating an environment of stress and negativity or you can choose to enjoy and accept them, fostering an atmosphere where both of you can thrive and grow. The decision is yours.

Try this for just one day: focus entirely on enjoying your partner, without criticism or complaints. Then try it for a week. Notice what happens. When you keep this practice going, you may find that your relationship transforms into something more fulfilling, peaceful, and deeply connected.

If you want to dive deeper into improving your relationship and creating a more fulfilling connection, I offer free consultations to help you get started. Book a session today, and let’s work together on bringing more joy and understanding into your marriage.

00:00 – Introduction

01:06 - The One Practice That Changed Everything in My Marriage
03:25 - The Common Practice: Complain, Criticize, and Try to Change
05:10 - The Consequences of This Common Practice
07:04 - What I Realized
08:35 - A New Approach: Focusing on Enjoying Each Other
12:10 - The Powerful Benefits of This Shift
16:06 - What If There’s a Real Issue That Needs to be Addressed?
17:48 - How to Respond When Your Partner Is in a Bad Mood
19:28 - Personal Responsibility
20:12 - YOU Have a Choice