Evolving as a Parent: What Level Are You On? | Episode 32

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to slip into comparison, expectations, or constant correction with your kids? I’ve been there. When parenting becomes about fixing, correcting, or worrying, the joy gets drained right out of it.

And here’s what I’ve observed: the way we react to our kids often mirrors how we react to other people and situations—whether at home or in leadership. When we learn to respond to our children in healthier, more effective ways, we’re also training ourselves to respond better to challenges, relationships, and even the people we lead.

For the first seven years, I didn’t really enjoy my child. All I could see were her weaknesses, her mistakes, and her Down’s Syndrome. I constantly compared her to other kids. I compared myself to other moms. I was impatient, grumpy, and reactive. I wasn’t happy. And I blamed myself, my husband, my child, and even her condition for my unhappiness.

Of course, my child felt it every time I was upset with her, which was almost daily. When parents react emotionally, kids feel scared and insecure. They sense danger. They become afraid to make mistakes, afraid to try new things. It affects their learning, their self-esteem, and their independence.

Everything shifted when I made one simple choice: to accept her 100% and enjoy her every single day.

When I focused on enjoying her, her limitations stopped bothering me. I stopped complaining. I stopped comparing. I stopped expecting her to change in order to make me happy. I realized that the entire time I was focused on my expectations, I wasn’t truly in a relationship with my child. I was in a relationship with my expectations.

That’s why I felt so disconnected from her in her first seven years. I was disconnected from myself, too.

Life has never been the same since. I am happy with her every day. I no longer feel stressed by her mistakes or limitations. I don’t feel the need to change her. I enjoy her for everything she is.

And because she feels accepted and enjoyed, she feels good about herself. She’s growing up in an environment where she feels secure.

I’ve seen the difference in her. She’s relaxed. She reacts better. She learns better. She’s confident, believes in herself, and has the courage to try things and be independent.

My daughter often tells me that she feels relaxed and happy when she’s with me. When she makes a mistake, she says, “It’s okay to make mistakes. Mom loves me no matter what.”

That’s so different from before, when she would flinch and withdraw every time I got upset, as if she needed to protect herself from my reactions.

Over the years, I’ve seen that parenting evolves in three levels:

This is when we see parenting mostly as a role or function. We provide, we protect, we tell them what to do and not to do. Doing is necessary, but if we stay here too long, we can end up spoiling, overprotecting, or controlling. The relationship stays surface-level, and deep down, the child is longing to be seen as a human being.

This is when we give our full attention. We enjoy our child by really being with them—listening, laughing, hugging, doing things together, or just sitting quietly side by side. Presence is powerful. And our kids know when we’re not present. They notice when we’re on our phone, stuck in the past, or worrying about the future. They can feel it.

This is where we see our child as an equal human being—not inferior, not “less than.” We allow them to make choices, even if that means making mistakes. We treat them the way we would want to be treated, especially in moments of struggle. This is where deep connection happens, and where respect, gratitude, and contentment grow.

On the outside, yes, we appear superior to our kids—we’re bigger, stronger, more knowledgeable, more experienced, and financially capable. But if that’s all we see, we miss something important: our children are individuals with the same core needs as us. Just like us, they want respect. They want to be heard and seen. They want to be accepted and understood.

Doing is important. Presence is important. But without being, the relationship often feels unfulfilled.

I realized that in my first seven years as a parent, I was living mostly in doing. And I didn’t enjoy it—it drained me and eventually burned me out.

But when I learned to go deeper into being with my child, everything changed.

Parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about evolving. Some days we’re stuck in doing. On other days, we find presence. And on the best days, we practice being. What matters is that we keep choosing joy, connection, and love over expectations.

And on the days we make mistakes as parents, we can offer the same love and empathy to ourselves. Every mistake holds a lesson that teaches us to grow into better parents and better human beings.

Here’s the thought that changed it all for me:

“My focus is on enjoying my child. If I’m not enjoying her, it’s a sign that I’ve slipped into thoughts that don’t serve me—expectations, assumptions, comparisons, judgment. And that’s okay. I just need to come back to joy. My child and my well-being matter more than holding on to those thoughts. My child is my teacher, giving me opportunities to grow and to find gratitude in what’s right in front of me.”

If this resonates with you, here are some simple ways to bring more joy and connection into your parenting:

If this resonates with you—if you want more peace, joy, and connection in your parenting—I’d love to invite you to book a free coaching consultation with me.

Together, we’ll explore where you are now and what’s been challenging for you. We’ll also uncover the patterns that trigger your reactions—to your child, your partner, or even other people and situations. These invisible mind patterns often create stress. But once you become aware of them and learn how to shift them, you’ll be surprised at how much lighter life feels and how much better your relationships become.

Book your FREE Coaching Consultation today! Let’s start your journey toward parenting with more joy, peace, and connection.

00:00 – Introduction
02:13 – My First Seven Years as a Parent
03:23 – The Shift That Changed Everything
06:32 – The Three Levels of Parenting
09:52 – From Doing to Being
12:18 – Here’s What You Can Do
14:42 – Your Journey to Growth Starts Here