The Perfectionism Trap: Why It’s Stressing You Out and Slowing You Down | Episode 26

Are you overediting, overpreparing, and overplanning? Maybe you're holding back from completing tasks until everything feels just right. You might even feel frustrated—with yourself and with others—for not meeting your high standards. If any of that sounds familiar, you're likely dealing with perfectionism.

But here’s the truth: perfectionism isn’t a strength—it’s fear in disguise. It pretends to protect your reputation, your work, and your image, but in reality, it drains your time and energy, delays your progress, and can even strain your relationships.

When you're too focused on the details, you risk missing what truly matters.

In this article, I want to share the mindset shifts, personal realizations, and practical strategies that helped me move past perfectionism—and find more ease and flow in both life and work.

I used to overedit everything—my emails, my posts—even the short ones would take hours to prepare. And often, I wouldn’t even post them because they still didn’t feel good enough. The same thing happened with my reels, blog articles, presentations, and slides. I would keep changing and correcting every little detail—the fonts, the arrangement—because I was so afraid of making a mistake.

I remember once spending over 100 hours preparing for a 4-hour talk, and even then, I still wasn’t satisfied with how it looked.

Looking back, I can see how much I struggled with trying to make everything perfect. But I eventually realized it wasn’t really about high standards—it was about fear. Fear of being judged, by myself and by others. I believed that if I did everything perfectly, I could avoid rejection or criticism. That belief drove my perfectionist habits for years, and it took a lot of personal development to finally start letting that go.

The biggest factor that helped me overcome perfectionism is my daughter, Sophie. She has Down’s Syndrome, and through her, I realized something profound—despite her disabilities, I experience unconditional love and joy for her. She doesn’t need to prove anything or meet any standards to be worthy of my love. I love and accept her simply for who she is, not for what she can do or achieve.

I remember one evening we were working on her Math workbook, and she made a few mistakes. She calmly erased her answers and said, “Oh, it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay—Mommy loves me no matter what.”

And it amazed me that she knows that.

A few years ago, it hit me: I love my daughter without conditions. That kind of love—unconditional and joyful—is a powerful thing. And then I thought, “Wait, I can give that same kind of love to myself.” I don’t need to expect perfection from myself or be so hard when I make mistakes. Even when I do things imperfectly, I am still lovable and enough—just like Sophie. Just like you.

That’s what inspired me to speak up about this. Because it is absolutely possible to heal from perfectionism, especially when it’s draining your energy, harming your relationships, or keeping you stuck.

Perfectionism is often a learned pattern—a coping mechanism from childhood that once helped us feel safe or accepted. But as adults, these patterns can begin to hurt us.

We get caught up in the tiniest details—constantly fixing, editing, reworking, or micromanaging—not because we enjoy it, but because we’re afraid of mistakes or judgment. We avoid delegating, delay decisions, and obsess over getting everything “just right.” And even though perfectionism shows up in different ways for different people, underneath it all, it’s the same fear-based thought pattern:

“If I relax, everything will fall apart.”
“If I’m perfect, I won’t be judged.”

This way of thinking causes us to miss what really matters. We fixate on font sizes and grammar, and in doing so, we lose the energy, authenticity, and meaning behind our work. It’s like focusing so much on one tree that we miss the beauty of the entire forest.

This constant detail-checking drains our energy and increases our stress. The fear of judgment only grows, creating a cycle of inaction. In that sense, perfectionism is simply procrastination in disguise—masked as productivity, but really a fear of failure. We hold back ideas and actions, waiting until things are flawless, but in doing so, we rob ourselves of growth through experience.

One of the most painful consequences of perfectionism is that it makes our happiness, confidence, and sense of fulfillment conditional—dependent on achieving unrealistic standards. That’s not a joyful or sustainable way to live.

When we’re caught in these thought loops, we become self-critical, frustrated, and never satisfied. We begin correcting not just ourselves but everyone around us, which can make us seem rigid or unapproachable. Over time, this creates emotional distance.

At home, our loved ones may feel constantly judged or pressured to be flawless just to earn our approval. At work, it can lower morale—people stop taking initiative, avoid collaboration, and feel like nothing is ever good enough. If you can’t trust others to meet your standards, you won’t delegate. And even if they try, it often leads to burnout—because perfection is impossible to sustain.

Perfectionism often tricks us into thinking we’re being productive when we’re actually stuck. I learned that done is better than perfect. The goal isn’t to lower your standards—it’s to know where they truly matter.

That’s where the 80/20 rule (Pareto Principle) becomes powerful:
Focus your perfectionism on the 20% of tasks that truly require excellence—like safety measures or financial reports. For the remaining 80%, “good enough” truly is good enough. Letting go of perfection in low-stakes tasks frees up energy for what really counts.

You don’t need to feel 100% ready before you act. You don’t even need to feel fully confident. Confidence doesn’t come first—it comes from the act itself.

Every time you take imperfect action, you learn, grow, and realize: I can do this. That’s where real confidence is born.

So stop waiting. Let it be visible. Let it be messy. And let it teach you.

I used to believe I’d find peace by perfecting everything. But I realized: peace doesn’t come from control—it comes from trust.

Trusting myself. Trusting others. Trusting that not everything needs to be reviewed or polished to be valuable.

Perfection is an illusion. What actually brings peace is giving ourselves permission to pause, let go, and trust that good is good enough.

Perfectionism often makes us controlling—of ourselves and others. But true leadership is about trust. It’s about recognizing that we don’t have to do everything or get everything right to be respected.

When we let go of micromanaging and allow others to bring their ideas, we create space for innovation and intrinsic motivation. Leadership becomes more collaborative, and much more powerful.

Another practice that helped me—and continues to help—is becoming aware of the thoughts that drive unhelpful patterns. In the case of perfectionism, it’s about recognizing beliefs like:

These thoughts trigger stress, which then drives our actions—like overediting, micromanaging, or delaying—and ultimately impacts our results, whether in performance, relationships, or well-being. It’s the classic cycle: Thought → Emotion → Action → Result

But when you catch and label the thought, you break the pattern. You can say, “Ah, that’s the perfectionist thought again,” or “That’s the Stickler.” And when you catch it, you celebrate it. That moment of awareness is powerful—it stops you from spiraling and frees you from automatic stress responses.

I follow that with a pause—a few deep breaths to calm the body. I do this every day. Because we all have thoughts—and most of them are negative, stressful, or unhelpful. But instead of letting our thoughts run our lives, we can choose to let them serve us and others better.

And here’s the good news: letting go of perfectionism doesn’t make us lazy or sloppy. That drive to do things well often comes from a real strength—it’s just been overused and misdirected.

The beautiful thing about overcoming perfectionism is that it doesn’t mean letting go of your strengths—it actually allows them to shine even more.

You can still have high standards, but without being driven by fear.
You can still be organized, but without the rigidity.
You can still live by strong values, but not tie your worth to being perfect.

You can give honest feedback with compassion. You can be a trusting leader instead of a controlling one—and that’s a far more powerful way to lead.

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t take away who you are; it removes the fear that was distorting your strengths. And the benefits are immense:

Imagine what becomes possible when you can create with joy instead of fear—when you’re at peace even if things aren’t perfect.

If you’re ready to shift out of perfectionism and reclaim your time and energy, start with these simple but powerful steps:

One of the most powerful realizations in my journey was this: your strengths don’t disappear when you release perfectionism—they shine brighter. Your worth is not based on flawless execution. You are worthy and enough, just as you are.

And if perfectionism is draining your energy, delaying your progress, or keeping you stuck—I invite you to explore what’s really underneath it.

Book a FREE Coaching Consultation and together, we’ll uncover the root of the pressure and replace it with clarity, confidence, and momentum that feels aligned.

00:00 – Introduction

02:09 – My Personal Struggle with Perfectionism

07:13 – Common Mistakes Perfectionists Make

09:12 – The Fear of Judgment

13:36 – Key Lessons I’ve Learned

19:23 – How to Recognize and Reframe Perfectionist Thoughts

26:05 – Quick Action Steps

26:54 – Your Journey to Growth Starts Here